What Am I Afraid Of? - Jake A Carlson MBA/JD

I checked the knot, adjusted my helmet and leaned backward over the 180-foot cliff I was supposed to be rappelling down. The wind whipped through my helmet and made a whistling sound. I leaned back a little bit more and then… froze. I couldn’t do it. I was just too scared. Of what? I can’t even remember. I was 14 years old and this was my very first rappelling adventure.

This past week my 10-year-old daughter asked me what I was afraid of. She added I probably wasn’t afraid of anything. (Such a brave daddy) And it got me thinking, what am I afraid? It’s no longer heights and I love public speaking, I don’t even fear death. So, what am I afraid of?

I have come to the conclusion that there are only 3 things that I truly fear in life. Are they rational fears? Maybe, maybe not.

Fear of Success– I spend a lot of time working towards what I define as “success”. I have spent a lifetime studying motivation, sales and business skills. And yet the unknown of success causes many people, including myself to hesitate when faced with an opportunity.

As the Marianne Williamson quote, made famous by Nelson Mandela, states “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?”

But her answer gives us hope “Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…”

Fear of not Succeeding– Similar to the fear above, the fear of not succeeding creates inaction. Sometimes called the fear of failure, embarrassment or humiliation, the desire to avoid looking incompetent or mistaken stops many of us from reaching our full potential. I find it interesting that the dual fears of “success” and “not succeeding” often appear in the same person. The result is that we do not act, we become complacent and we settle. I am not sure which fear is more harmful.
Fear of Imagined Pain & Suffering– I have been hurt more times than I could probably count. I have broken ankles and wrists, been stitched head to toe, sat through MRIs, CAT Scans and surgery. I’ve been doctored in some of the nicest facilities in the world and received care in the backyard of a local 3^rd world resident. And yet I have always recovered.

The pain has subsided and my life has gone on. Mostly the memories have faded into great stories to tell at cocktail parties. Nothing in my past has given reality to my imagined fear of pain and suffering and yet I still hesitate before leaping out of airplanes. Maybe it is more sanity than fear? Often many of us are paralyzed by imagined fears. It may not always be pain or suffering, it could be embarrassment or loss.

So, what can we do? Knowing that I suffer from these fears and likely you do too, I thought I would share a few ways (well….11) that we can overcome fears and keep moving in the direction of success- to reach our potential and realize our dreams. Deportista celebrando sujetando un trofeo,logro,triunfo.

Recognize the fear– once you accept that everyone faces uncertainty and “fear” you can begin to strengthen your resolve. Those who have succeeded before you have faced similar challenges, maybe greater challenges than your own.
Friends– you cannot do it alone- No one reached the top of Everest by himself, it takes a team, a support network, mentors, and education. Surround yourself with people who can lift you up and give you the skills you need to progress.
Kill the negative– If you are like me, most of your fear comes from that crazy little voice in your head. I am much more critical of myself than others are of me. Stop the negative self-talk and replace it with positive. Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are generally right (thanks Zig Ziglar)
Visualize the outcome– Many of our fears are the unknown and perceptions of false reality. Take a deep breathe, relax and visualize the outcome. When things go bad they usually aren’t as bad as you thought, when it’s good it’s usually better than you thought. Fill that half glass full.
Take control– recognize that the outcome is often in your control. You may not be able to control every aspect, but largely the end result can be affected positively in your favor. Take control and persevere.
Be bold– a very successful podcaster friend counseled that “fortune favors the bold” (thanks John Lee Dumas)
Celebrate success– even if you fear success, celebrate it. Positively reinforce your success, make it common… make it subconscious.
Be curious– Always be looking for new ways to approach a situation or problem. What makes you nervous about one solution may make you confident in another. If you fear public speaking but want to verbally share your message, try a podcast (or you can listen to mine)
Enjoy the ride– Life is short and sweet. We have little blessings that pass through our days to give us joy, lift us up and remind us to breathe. This crazy ride called life can produce more excitement and adrenaline than scuba diving with sharks or peering into a live volcano (trust me).
What is the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn… either way you come out ahead. Oh, and remember that bones heal while glory lasts eternally.
Start small and grow– the first time I spoke in public it wasn’t in front of 300 guests. Baby steps to success.

Since that first rock-climbing adventure at 14 years old, I have been up and down hundreds of rock faces. I have fallen and recovered and learned to absolutely love the sport. I even proposed to my wife during a climbing adventure. The fear that paralyzed me so many years ago is gone, replaced with other fears and obstacles. But, like the fear of heights, as I continue down my road to success I will triumph and succeed and love every minute of it.